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Going to Louisville, never coming backI used to spend hours wondering when you would make time for me. I would count the minutes, and hope the seconds would disappear. I would time, glasses of wine and cigarettes, suspended in bliss, hanging around that tiny, smoky apartment; while the other girls you kept on your line fell in place in front of me. I was content to be a , a casual observer who had a secret. In college it didn't matter because we were all seeing someone, we were all on some hazy to some unknown destination. I wasn't jealous, just satisfied to be there; spending time with people I loved. The walks we would take, the texts you would send me, the looks we exchanged over those inexpensive cans of armor. The armor that protected me from you hurting me. I thought, he loves me, he must. You would tell me, later, as we were older, over more expensive glasses of armor, how perfect I was, how smart, how successful. Then after many glasses, you would break, telling me about the girls who were in line before me, telling me that they broke your heart. I brought the glue, and I fixed and mended, fixed, and mended. I spent countless more hours handing out advice about the girls who were in line after me. As the got more expensive, my heart became more disenchanted, I thought you've been hurt too many times to love, I thought you must care, we're perfect for each other. I realize now, that you don't, you can't possibly, because you can't even care about yourself. Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the lifeblood out of you. If you wanted me in your life, you would make room for me, I shouldn't have to fight for a . I don't want to fight you anymore. I'm stepping out of line now, someone else can take my place. view 4 photos
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